Weblog

Friday, 01 May 2009

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

  • A Few Things I Will Never Actually Say...

    I tend to be a pretty open book and will answer *most* questions without hesitation, as long as they are within certain boundaries. But certain questions from certain people drive me INSANE.

    1.) Unless you have worked at a dance studio before, you will not truly understand the stress of recital time. I don't care if you've been dancing since you were two and a half, unless you are a dance instructor, you will not get it. Don't pretend you do, and do not act like the job is easy. Hundreds of kids in makeup and fluffy costumes, parents who are confused because they can't read a newsletter, and teachers who are trying to hold it all together when they really want to explode...just trust us. It's stressful, and yet, it's worth it.

    2.) Do not ask me about my financial situation. Who pays for what is really none of your business. There are people who I will just randomly tell if it comes up in a coversation, like when someone asks why I moved back home. But do not ask and act like I'm some spoiled little kid whenever you hear my answer. It's more complicated then you think. Chances are, you're financial aid covers all your tuition, books and a month or two of rent. I get nada, zip, zilch. Whatever I have worked out, is my business and mine to share.

    3.) Yes, my boyfriend is a smoker. No, I don't like it, and yet I am not going to tell him how to run his life. We seem to have an understanding that we do not tell each other where to work, how to dress, and what is and is not okay to put into our bodies. Sure, I've let him know I'm concerned about his health, the same way he's told me I'll probably end up with arthritis in my feet because of all the pointe work, and yet, we both have made our own decisions. And do not act like I'm dumb and making a bad choice because I do not "make" him quit.

    4.) While we're on the subject, DO NOT ask about personal details of our relationship. Once again, that is our information to share.

    5.) My family is loud and crazy, but that's who we are and don't try to change. If you can't deal, then don't come over!! Lol this one just makes me laugh.

    -Stephanie

Friday, 24 April 2009

  • I must have made life way to easy for my sister.

    The first time I brought home a B, I got a lecture. A ridiculous lecture full of yelling and condescending remarks.

    The first (AND ONLY) time I ever got a C, my parents drug me into high school and talked to my teacher. Talk about embarassing. I was forced to go to Algebra every morning there was tutoring and bug my teacher with tons of questions. The C I got, I earned. It truly was the best I could do, and my parents finally understood that. I'm just not a math person.

    When I first got my car, I developed a social life. My parents saw this and I had some crazy restrictions. They had to know at all times who I was with, where I was going, and what time I was going to be home (and it had to be before 10 no exceptions). Finally, when I was a senior, my curfew was extended (to 11).

    The first time I had a serious boyfriend, I had some serious restrictions. I couldn't spend more than five hours with him on weekends, because I saw him at school. No dates past 1030. We had to stay put in the living room. They had to meet him before I went anywhere with him.

    Truth is, I'm glad my parents did this. I didn't understand why they were trying to ruin my life at the time... truth is they weren't. They were trying to prepare me for lies ahead, and I must say, they did a pretty damned good job. I think I'm doing well...

    I took the PSATs from 7th - 11th grade and signed up for the ACTs and SATs all by myself. I filled out all of my college and scholarship applications, wrote essays needed, got recomendation letters, AND got all the necessary paperwork without ANYONE having to ask me to do so. All by myself.

    I drug my parents to college fairs, tours, and when the time came I chose my path all by myself. After a year of planned dreams, I broke away from the careful guided path and decided to do what I wanted instead.

    I got all fucking A's in my first semester of college, made the Dean's List, and kept myself away from illegal substances. I'm pulling mostly A's my second semester, and balancing a job, and commuting. Oh yeah, and trying to keep up with my friends, which gets really difficult.

    Time for you to grow up.

Friday, 17 April 2009

  • I wrote this about three years ago...

    WTF? i'm a JUNIOR? when did this happen?! where did this year go? so much has changed. i was reading through this xanga from exactly a year ago and i'm just so amazed. i feel like i'm completely different person... then again, i don't seem to be that different. i think the high school, teenage, over-dramatic gal slowly faded over the past year, which isn't exactly a bad thing, but it's the independent, stubborn, i can do it all by myself (thank you very much) attitude that has carried on . dance is going great! in one month i'm going to be at joffrey's summer intensive in san antonio. i'm so stoked! i get three weeks away from the parentals and all i'm going to do is dance! it'll give me a good chance to get some of my own thoughts straightened out without any influence from other people. i've run out of french classes to take and it makes me sad . no more french first period... but now i'm taking architecture which is something i never thought i'd ever do... EVER. you have got to love the random scheduling mistakes that's for sure. i've definitly gone through my share of interesting (yes, that's the word) relationships this year.(what happened to little miss independent?) lori, daniel, and rena were the three friends who carried me through my sophmore year and i can't thank them enough... they are the bestest friends i have ever made. i've also learned that i'm a little stronger then i thought i was. i CAN stand up to some stupid ass guy who only wants one thing. i've learned what it feels like to be cheated on, and lied to. i know how it feels to be helpless as your bestest friend in the world is hurting and there is nothing you can do to help it. i know how it feels to be heartbroken, and how it feels to break someone's heart. i am starting to learn how it feels to be rejected for my lack of belief , and i know this is nothing compared to what's to come, and that scares me. i just can't believe, for i see no reason to (thanks to jeff's pagan version of " I Am A C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" lmao). i now know for a fact that ole george bush sucks, and so does war. i'm starting to realize what's really wrong with this country and how much i want to move to ireland... even if there's a war going on over there too. lol

    I wrote it on my old xanga titled... learning_to_be_true_to_myself. i feel like i'm no longer that girl. she's fading and i don't know how to get her back. I used to write in xanga every single day for probably three straight years. i was so stuck on being different, independent, stubborn girl and it's like she's not even in my life anymore. i miss her. and yet, i feel like no one else wants her anymore. i was so full of spunk. i had opinions and i voiced them... LOUDLY. all the damned time. i can't help but read my retort to that boy and smile. i was so witty and so unafraid to speak my mind. i want to be her again.

    she's been buried deep down inside for a while... but i think she'll make it out alive.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

  • Just in case you didn't know...

    i'm loud and crazy, but only when i'm truly enjoying myself. i make comments in akward situations i should probably keep to myself. ask me for my opinion and i'll deny to answer at first... if you ask again, i'll tell you the blunt honest truth, and probably hurt your feelings. i love my friends and i'm not afraid to tell them as often as they need to hear it or i need to say it. i like to argue and debate. i like to talk and if you start a conversation about something i'm really interested in, expect to put on your listening ears for a while. when i'm really really happy, i'm really really talkative and loud and possibly a tad bit obnoxious...did i mention talkative? i'd love to tell you my opinion on the president, or the economy, or the newest House episode.

    did i mention i'm loud?

     

    and i'll probably interrupt you more than once.